WHAT IS REAL?

In the book Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams the Rabbit ask the Skin Horse “What is REAL?” And the Skin Horse tells the Rabbit “It’s a thing that happens to you. “ And later during that conversation the Rabbit asks the Skin Horse “does it hurt?” And the Skin Horse replies “Sometimes, but when you are REAL you don’t mind being hurt.” And the Rabbit goes on to ask “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?” And the Skin Horse replies “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand….and once you are REAL you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.” And the Rabbit then longed to become REAL, yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

As a counselor I have read this book to some of my clients or played the CD and inevitably it brings tears to the person, and it brought tears to me when I saw the Play in San Francisco a few years ago. There is something about this story that touches our soul. We all long to be REAL; to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be loved. And yet, in order for that to happen, we have to be willing to take risks. Risks that at times means we will get hurt. Like the Rabbit who had to let the little boy love him until he was all worn out in order to become REAL, we have to allow others to love us. And yes, sometimes it hurts. If we live long enough we know life will bring us heartaches, disappointments and losses. But the good news is we can live with the certainty that God is with us through it all ♥

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”   (Deut. 31:8 NLT)

Written by Patty B. ♥

Take Time To Dance

We can get caught up in the day to day grind of life and forget along the way what is important to us or forget to enjoy the moment. Our responsibilities overwhelm us and take over our lives. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to look back on my life and have regrets for not doing the things that matter the most to me, or regret I did not spend time with the ones I love, or did not take that dance class I always wanted to take. Everyday we need to weigh in on what and how we will spend that day, as it will never be given back to us. It’s important to examine our life and see if we are filling it up with clutter that is only taking us away from what we want in life and who we want to be. Are you going to stand on the side line and wait for life to just happen and allow others to decide how your life will play out? Or are you going to take that first step out onto the dance floor and dance and watch your life come alive?

“Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.”
                                                                                                                    Oprah

Written by Patty B. ♥

Each day is a new canvas to paint upon. Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness,

and at the end of the day you don't look at it and wish you had painted something different.

                                                                                        Author Unknown

Golden Rules for Living

If you open it, close it.
If you turn it on, turn it off.
If you unlock it, lock it up.
If you break it, admit it.
If you can't fix it, call in someone who can.
If you borrow it, return it.
If you value it, take care of it.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
If you move it, put it back.
If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission.
If you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone.
If it's none of your business, don't ask questions.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
If it will brighten someone's day, say it.
If it will tarnish someone's reputation, keep it to yourself.

Author Unknown

He Simply Wants Our Love

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13 NIV)

God has given us His Scriptures as a way to know Him. It is His way of revealing Himself to us. It is His way of engaging in an intimate relationship with us. If we seek Him out, we will find His love for us. More then anything else, God wants our heart, our whole being. He wants us to be in communion with Him. He simply wants our love. And when you love someone you spend time with them, you walk with them, you talk with them, and you listen to them.

So take some time right now and simply be with God and His Word. He will show you His love. You will always be amazed and never disappointed.♥

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”
(Deut. 6:5 NIV)

Written by Patty B.

101 Ways to Praise a Child!

WOW • WAY TO GO • SUPER • YOU'RE SPECIAL • OUTSTANDING • EXCELLENT •
GREAT• GOOD • NEAT • WELL DONE • REMARKABLE • I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT • I'M PROUD OF YOU • FANTASTIC • SUPER STAR • NICE WORK • LOOKING GOOD • YOU'RE ON TOP OF IT • BEAUTIFUL • NOW YOU'RE FLYING • YOU'RE CATCHING ON • NOW YOU'VE GOT IT • YOU'RE INCREDIBLE • BRAVO • YOU'RE FANTASTIC • HURRAY FOR YOU • YOU'RE ON TARGET • YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY • HOW NICE • HOW SMART • GOOD JOB • THAT'S INCREDIBLE • HOT DOG • DYNAMITE • YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL • YOU'RE UNIQUE • NOTHING CAN STOP YOU NOW • GOOD FOR YOU • I LIKE YOU YOU'RE A WINNER • REMARKABLE JOB • BEAUTIFUL WORK • SPECTACULAR • YOU'RE SPECTACULAR • YOU'RE DARLING • YOU'RE PRECIOUS • GREAT DISCOVERY • YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE SECRET • YOU FIGURED IT OUT • FANTASTIC JOB • HIP, HIP, HURRAY • BINGO • MAGNIFICENT • MARVELOUS • TERRIFIC • YOU'RE IMPORTANT • PHENOMENAL • YOU'RE SENSATIONAL • SUPER WORK • CREATIVE JOB • SUPER JOB • FANTASTIC JOB • EXCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE • YOU'RE A REAL TROOPER • YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE • YOU ARE EXCITING • YOU LEARNED IT RIGHT • WHAT AN IMAGINATION •WHAT A GOOD LISTENER • YOU ARE FUN • YOU'RE GROWING UP • YOU TRIED HARD • YOU CARE • BEAUTIFUL SHARING • OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE • YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND • I TRUST YOU • YOU'RE IMPORTANT • YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME • YOU MAKE ME HAPPY • YOU BELONG • YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND • YOU MAKE ME LAUGH • YOU BRIGHTEN MY DAY • I RESPECT YOU • YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME • THAT'S CORRECT • YOU'RE A JOY • YOU'RE A TREASURE • YOU'RE WONDERFUL • YOU'RE PERFECT • AWESOME • A+ JOB • YOU'RE A-OK MY BUDDY • YOU MADE MY DAY • THAT'S THE BEST • A BIG HUG • A BIG KISS • SAY I LOVE YOU!

Author Unknown

Nothing New Under the Sun

We all know the book of Ecclesiastes where Solomon preaches sadly about his own folly in looking for satisfaction in the things of the world, which in the end he finds more bitter than death.

“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Eccles 1:9 TNIV)

“Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun. (Eccles 2:11 NKJV)

“This is not meant in a general sense; but that there is no new source of happiness which can be devised; the same round of petty pleasures, cares, business, study, wars, etc..” (Holden)

As Americans we enjoy the abundance of what the world has to offer materialistically. And often we place our value on what we have acquired and our identity is found in our jobs. Sadly we have allowed the world to define who we are and where we get our self-worth from. If we don’t have…, if we are not… , if we loss…,we judge ourselves and see ourselves as a failure by the world’s standards. How unfortunate. God has so much more for us. We are so much more to Him. Success is not measured by the things we have, the jobs we hold, or who we know. Success is really about the significance of the life we lead. It’s about how we treat one another, how we comfort one another. It’s about what we do with the people God brings to us, it’s about our character. It’s what we do when no one is looking. It’s what we do, because it is the right thing to do. It’s not about what we are going to get out of it, or to gain another’s approval.

So when you feel like your not measuring up, like you are not where our world says you should be; I would stop and reflect, because maybe you are far more successful in God’s eyes. He took notice when you went at 10:00 at night to check on a sick friend. He saw you give a friend a ride to work. And he heard you make the phone call to your grandma, who lives alone, just to say hi. God knows your heart and you have significant value in Him. And that is where our happiness and joy is found ♥

“We are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries or the
size of our automobiles rather than by the quality of our service
and the relationship to mankind.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I am beginning to see that the things that really matter take place not
in the boardrooms but in the kitchens of the world.”
Gary Sledge

Written by Patty B.

The Ups and Downs of Life

We have all been there, you know, the days you feel like you are drowning and no matter how hard you paddle you seem to get further and further in deep waters and depression and anxiety sets in. And you sometimes wonder where God is in all of this. We women want to make it all better for everyone – and now! It’s how we are made up. But I often find it is a matter of letting go. Letting go of expectations, letting go of the controls, letting go of trying to fix it all. It is a matter of giving it up to God. Trusting he is in control and he is working on the matters of your heart. Is it easy? No. Do I need to give it to God often? Yes, sometimes moment to moment. It means to “cease striving and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). It’s about “casting all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Does God hear us? Yes. And yes, He responds; sometimes it takes time, a long time. But His timing is always best. Just two days ago I found out one of my prayers was recently answered. I have been praying this prayer for 19 years, yes 19 years! And God answered it, in His timing, and it was better than I could have imagined. So let’s work hard on giving it up to God. Let go of the controls and watch Him work! Trust that He loves you and knows what is best for you and your loved ones.

Right now go to Him in prayer and tell Him you surrender the matters of your heart to Him to do a good work ♥

Written by Patty B.

Give It Away to Get It Back

"There is a wonderful, almost mystical, law of nature that says three of the things we want most - happiness, freedom, and peace of mind - are always attained when we give them to others."
Book: Wooden
By: Coach John Wooden with Steve Jamison

A Poem by Helen Steiner Rice

Everywhere Across the land You See God's Face and Touch His Hand

Each time you look up in the sky
Or watch the fluffy clouds drift by,
Or feel the sunshine warm and bright,
Or watch the dark night turn to light.
Or hear a bluebird gayly sing,
Or see the winter turn to spring,
Or stop to pick a daffodil,
Or gather violets on some hill,
Or touch a leaf or see a tree,
It's all God whispering, "This is Me
And I am Faith and I am Light
And in Me there shall be no night.

To Give Something A Second Look

I have been reading this book called Windows of the Soul by Ken Gire. It's one of those books you keep going back to and rereading every so often. The passage below is a section of the book I find myself being drawn to, over and over again.

"Windows of the soul is a way of seeing that begins with respect. The way we show respect is to give it a second look, a look not of the eyes but of the heart. But so often we don't give something a second look because we don't think there is something there to see.

To respect something is to understand that there is something there to see, that it is not all surface, that something lies beneath the surface, something that has the power to change the way we think or feel, something that may prove so profound a revelation as to change not only how we look at our lives but how we live them.

Jesus lived His life that way, seeing beyond the pictures of the widow at Nain and the woman at the well, of the tax collector in the tree and the thief on the cross, of the rich man and Lazarus.

He was constantly looking beyond the two dimensions of the full-sized portraits framed before him. Beyond the widow's tears for the dead son Jesus saw how much she needed that son to fill the hole left by her deceased husband. Beyond the Samaritan woman's veil, He saw the five marriages that had failed, and beyond that, the emptiness in her life that grew bigger with each divorce. Beyond the power and wealth of Zacchaeus, He saw a small man with a big hole in his heart that all the power and wealth in the world couldn't fill. Beyond the sores of Lazarus, He saw a soul of eternal worth. Beyond the clothes of the rich man, He saw a soul in rags."
Windows of the Soul
Ken Gire

While reading this passage of the book I was reminded of a time when I was in San Francisco, California for a seminar. It was such a beautiful day I decided to walk down to the wharf for lunch so I could enjoy my lunch while watching all the sail boats go by. It was a picture perfect day. As I was sitting at a table in full enjoyment of the fresh air, the blue sky and the white sail boats, I noticed an elderly lady looking for a place to sit down. She was all dressed up in her Sunday best, with hat, jewelry, a purse on her arm and alone. I have to say at first I thought of myself. I wanted to enjoy my view and I knew if I invited her to my table I could not let her sit there and go unnoticed, so my sail boat watching would be interrupted. But something tugged at my soul, so I invited her to my table. For the next hour I listened to her tell the story of her life. She was such a delightful lady who had such a rich history, and I would have missed out on her story if I had not taken a second glance at an elderly lady looking for a table to sit at or if I felt inviting her to my table would interfere with my sail boat watching. I think she enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Her husband had died a couple of years ago and she now lived alone. Maybe she was looking for someone to listen to her, someone to talk to so she did not have to spend another meal alone, or someone to tell her story to. At 84 years old she was still involved in her community; she had a love for San Francisco and wanted to preserve its culture. She made an impact on me that day. The way she lived her life reminded me that we all have an opportunity to leave an impact on our communities that will go beyond our life time, and that we can choose how we spend our life - for ourselves or for the good of all. We can live our lives looking inward to self - or we can take notice of what is around us and look with our heart and as Ken Gire says "to give something a second look."

So often our society ignores the elder, the poor, the homeless, or the troubled soul. We judge, we don't want to see it, or be bothered with it. We don't know how to deal with it, it's uncomfortable. We want our life to be easy and uncomplicated; yet as Ken Gire's passage reminds us there is something there to see, to learn from and change how we live our life - if we dare take a second look.

Written by Patty B.

Celebrate Who You Are!

My roses are now in full bloom, but they did not start out that way. It took a lot of attention on my part. In order to sprout new growth they needed pruning, water, nourishment and time. But each day I looked on in wonder at their beauty. Each bush and each rose has its own journey to full bloom and its own uniqueness. Below is a writing about roses, but it’s also a reminder about acceptance of self and how we should not be critical of where we are at in our life; as each of us has our own journey and at each stage of that journey it is a wonder in itself and a celebration of our own unique being! God accepts us into His flock, just as we are. So why is it so hard for us to accept and love ourselves? Think about what rigid expectations you or others are putting on you and tell yourself now is the time to let go and start loving yourself and celebrating who you are!

“When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.” We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped, nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is whole as it is (Gallwey 1974).

I would love to read your thoughts on this topic so I encourage you to join in on the table talk conversation!
Written by Patty B.

Don't Believe Everything You Think To Be Truth!

Do you find yourself filled with negative thoughts about yourself? By the end of the day are you feeling depressed, lonely, anxious and irritated? I have those days and when I am mindful of what is going on internally for me, it usually starts with my self-talk, my thoughts, which in turn creates all kinds of negative feelings. Then I act on those feelings and the vicious spiraling circle downward begins. And in the end I feel defeated.

Our thoughts and beliefs shape who we are and our life. What we think about all day long, over long periods of time, eventually enters our heart as a belief and eventually it is who we become. Our thoughts and the words we speak create our experiences, it is what we act on. If I believe I can not do anything right and I am not good enough, then that is what I will find in my world. I will see all my mistakes and believe I do not deserve goodness and in turn that will only reinforce my belief about myself. If, instead I believe everybody makes mistakes, nobody is perfect and I am deserving of goodness, I will see myself as human and worthy. It is our rigid beliefs about how life should be lived that trips us up. We become stuck, fearful, and anxious and this keeps us from moving forward in life or we act on those beliefs and things do not turn out so well for us.

Our past does not have to continue to have power over us. We can begin to be free in this moment if we start to look to God and what He believes about us. Stop for a moment - what are you thinking right now? If it is true that your thoughts shape who you are and your life, would you want what you are thinking right now to become true for you?

Right now you have the power to change your future. What you choose to think on right now, in this moment, will create what the next moment will be like and have an impact on your future. It will shape the experiences of all your tomorrows.

Only you can change your thoughts and beliefs and the only way for that to happen is to surrender your own thoughts and replace them with God's truth. You need to be mindful of what you are thinking. Is it negative or positive? Is it true? Does it line up with what God believes about you? Don't believe everything you believe to be truth!

So first we have to be willing to change and then decide in this moment to make that change. And the way we do that is to start changing our self-talk. We need to tell ourselves what God believes about us. And positive affirmations are a way to help us with that. Affirmations are positive; they are a proactive way to change our beliefs about ourselves. God's word tells us: "whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).

So below are some positive affirmations to get you going; to help you start believing what God believes about you! Write them on 3 x 5 cards and carry them around with you and when you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk read the affirmations. When you wake up in the morning read the affirmations and when you lie down at night read the affirmations. Make it a habit to read them over and over again. They will enter your heart and then watch the change happen! You will see yourself as God sees you!

Affirmations
1) I am perfect and complete in Christ
2) I am complete, delivered, completely forgiven (Col 1&2)
3) I am a beautiful person inside and out
4) I am doing the best I can in this moment and that is good enough!
5) God loves me
6) I love who I am
7) These are just thoughts they're fading away
8) I'm okay the way I am
9) I am a unique and creative person
10) I deserve the good things in life as much as anyone
11) I am worthy of the respect of others
12) I can continue to make progress one step at a time
13) It's okay to simply be me
14) I deserve to have my feelings and needs taken care of as much as anyone else
15) There are a lot of good qualities I have that I believe in

"For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well" (Psalm 139:13, 14 NASB).
Written by Patty B.

Balancing Discipline with Encouragement

"Fathers, don't scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying" (Colossians 3-2 The Living Bible)

Healthy parent/child relationships do not just happen in families. The relationship between parents and children requires much time and effort.

As parents we want to raise our children to be happy, healthy, confident and responsible individuals. Often we focus more on the aspect of discipline to promote this. We look at what is lacking in our children. We notice what our child is not doing...should be doing. We say things like "Why didn't you..." or "stop doing that" or "you need to..." and so on. While discipline is very important in providing boundaries, limits and consequences to promote responsibility, without balancing it with encouragement your child will grow up feeling defeated, hopeless and lack a healthy self-esteem. By encouraging our children in areas they succeed at, commenting on efforts being made and noticing the steps they are taking, we as parents are allowing our children to grow into the things God uniquely made them to be.

Webster's Dictionary defines encourage as "to give courage, hope, or confidence to; to give support to; help."

We as parents can learn to be better encouragers to our children by promoting the following:

1) Notice what is special about your child
Every child is unique and wonderfully made by God. Your child has many special and wonderful qualities. When you notice these qualities and point them out, you child will feel encouraged. With each bit of encouragement, your child will grow to like themselves a little bit more and become more confident. Build on their strengths, this promotes a healthy self-esteem.

2) Avoid comparing your child to another
Accept each child for who they are, know their limitations and respect individual differences. By promoting competition between children it brings hopelessness of the situation to the discouraged child. Focus on your child as an individual being cautious not to compare them to another. God has given each child they own unique talents, no two individuals are the same.

3) Notice your child's efforts
Encouragement means focusing on your child's strengths and talents, not on their mistakes. Remember where your child is developmentally, both emotionally and physically. What one child is able and ready to do, may not be the same for another. Every skill learned is made up of small steps and efforts. You don't have to wait for your child to finish a whole assignment or learn a new skill before commenting on the effort being made. Look for the small successes along the way. Each step your child makes is an opportunity for the parent to encourage their child. Focus on the effort, not the outcome. When you notice the steps along the way, you help your child keep going and it builds self-esteem. Noticing your child's efforts empowers them.

4) Catch your child being good
Take notice when they are behaving and comment on it. Be specific with what your notice. This tells them exactly what positive behavior you are seeing and promotes this. "Thank you for being so quiet while I was on the phone." "Thank you for taking the trash out without my asking." "You put all your toys in the toy box, that's great!"

5) Ask your child their thoughts about the situation
By asking them for their thoughts about the situation you will be teaching them to assert themselves in a healthy way and they will also feel valued....they matter. This will help them develop the ability to think things through for themselves and not be reactive.

6) Help your child change their negative thoughts about themselves by giving them positive statements
Give them positive self-talk statements like: "God loves me just as I am." "No matter what they think or say about me, I am a worthwhile person." "I made the effort, that's what counts." "I did the best I could, that's all anyone can do."

7) Give your child unconditional love
You can accept your child without accepting their misbehavior. Assure your child that you love them no matter what they do. Your child needs to know you do not expect perfection from them. They need to know you love them just as they are. "Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person" (Lee Ezell). Give them physical affection. Spend one on one time with them. Let your child know you enjoy being with them. This will give them the message they are special and wanted.

Our children can live in a home filled with discouragement, or we can provide a home filled with encouragement where each person's uniqueness is celebrated and there is understanding and acceptance of differences.

"We live by encouragement and we die without it, slowly, sadly, and angrily."
Celeste Holme

We as parents must take the time and make the effort and use it the very best way we can in order to make an impact on the children God has put under our care. By His grace we can be the kind of parents God wants us to be.
Written by Patty B.

In Times of Uncertainty

"My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God"(Psalm 84:2)

In times of uncertainty we can naturally become anxious and fearful of the future, the unknown. We worry what will be taken from us, what will be no more. And yet it is these thoughts that bring me back to what I truly know can never be taken away from me - my relationship with God. As I am sitting here on my front porch beneath our majestic oak tree watching the comings and goings of the birds, the squirrels and the butterflies I am reminded of my relationship with God. Like our oak tree that provides shade, shelter, food, protection and comfort to the animals; my God provides for me all that I need. He is my Provider, my Protector, and my Comforter. Like our oak tree that stands strong, extending its branches out waiting for the animals to come; my God waits for me, extending His love out yearning for me to come. Yes, waiting for me to come and experience His everlasting love. And like the animals that come daily to take refuge in our oak tree; I can find refuge in my God. And that is why my soul longs and yearns for my God. That is why my heart can shout with joy even in times of uncertainty. And yes, He longs for you to come to Him.
Written by Patty B.